Nathaniel Clyne was crowned Celebrity Cup champion on Monday as Fifa 16 officially launched at a special event at the Gfinity Arena in west London.
The Liverpool right-back was one of a host of Premier League stars present, with Rio Ferdinand, Jason Puncheon, Kyle Walker, Ashley Williams and John Ruddy vying with Adebayo Akinfenwa for the coveted prize.
In truth, Clyne - playing as Chelsea for all three of his games - made easy work of his challengers, scoring 10 goals and conceding just once over 180 minutes.
Facing Ferdinand - who was giving it all the pre-match bravado on Twitter - Clyne dismantled Real Madrid thanks to goals from Cesc Fabregas, Diego Costa, Eden Hazard and Oscar to stroll into the semi-finals.
Meanwhile, Walker and Ashley Williams faced off to their left in a game in stark contrast to the quality on show from Clyne's Blues outfit, with a goalless 120 minutes leading to an equally dire penalty shootout.
With John 'Fenners' Fendley hosting alongside commentators Alan Smith and Darren Anderton, the assessment was cruel - "a game you forget as soon as you've left the car park" - as Walker claimed controller troubles in defeat with three of his four penalties going straight down the middle.
With Akinfenwa making easy work of Ruddy and Puncheon squeezing past McFly's Danny Jones, the post-match press conferences were a hotbed of insight and chat about the game ahead of the semi-finals.
When asked if he was happy with his rating on the new game, Clyne responded in enthusiastic style - "81, yeah? Yeah, decent" - and Williams was full of praise for the gameplay: "It resembles football really well."
Walker proved Andros Townsend was the biggest sore loser in the Tottenham camp, to be joined by Wilfried Zaha, Kyle Naughton and Bradley Johnson in the most passive-aggressive fictional Fifa tournament.
Martin Tyler replaced Anderton in the commentary box as the tournament entered the semis, with Clyne strolling to a 3-0 win over Williams's team before Puncheon beat Akinfenwa 2-0 to decide the final pair.
Tyler and Smith were quick to point the blame at the striker's perceived lackadaisical approach to the crucial last-four clash, with 'The Beast' finding comfort in a slouched position when facing Puncheon.
So it was Clyne versus Puncheon in the final with the coveted trophy at stake, but before proceedings started WBC International and Commonwealth heavyweight champion Anthony Joshua stopped by.
The boxer was on hand to lighten Akinfenwa's mood with the award of 'Strongest Player on Fifa'.
Puncheon changed tact for the final, plumping for Manchester City while Clyne continued with a Chelsea side led by a forward pairing of Diego Costa and Loic Remy.
Hazard slotted home a penalty before half-time before John Terry headed in a second as Clyne looked to be, yet again, strolling towards another victory.
Terry upended Sergio Aguero in the 86th minute as Puncheon tried to force a way back into the game, only for Thibaut Courtois to guess correctly and dive to his right to thwart the Argentine from 12 yards.
Clyne lifted the trophy but shocked onlookers with an admission of cheating - "I looked at Punch's buttons for the penalty" - before deciding to hang up his controller to "retire as champion".
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