Ask any NFL fan to name football’s worst franchises and they’ll rattle off the Browns, Raiders and Dan Snyder’s magical experiment in capitalism and failure. Some others might throw in the Jaguars or the Jets or the Bills or the Lions. Until their recent run of success, the Bengals would have earned a mention, too.
But one franchise you never would hear is the Miami Dolphins.
The Dolphins are the organization of 17-0. Of Don Shula. Of Dan Marino. It’s a franchise with two Lombardi trophies and one that made 21 postseason appearances between 1970 and 2001. The Dolphins built up a lot of successful capital in those years – so much that we all have been blinded to what’s been happening right under our noses over the past decade. While we all laughed at the Raiders, Browns and whatever Dan Snyder thinks he is doing, the Miami Dolphins – once one of the NFL’s marquee franchises – were building an underground dysfunction powerhouse.
But as the events of recent days have shown, Miami is no longer content to fail in the shadows, ignored. They’re ready to stake their claim as the most disastrous organization in all the NFL.
It’s tough to pinpoint exactly when the Dolphins organization began the transition from marquee franchise to the NFL’s sunniest garbage heap, or if it was poor play on the field or internal dysfunction off the field that kicked it all off. It’s the dyspeptic chicken or the rotten egg scenario. But the Dolphins haven’t been contenders for longer than most fans might realize. At first it just seemed they were transitioning from the end of Dan Marino’s Hall of Fame career. Any franchise would struggle a bit after that. We poo-poohed the half-empty stadium, too. “There’s plenty of other things to do in Miami!” we said.
And we all knew they simply needed to find a good starting quarterback. First Chad Pennington. Then Chad Henne. Then they tried someone not named Chad: former Texas A&M wide receiver Ryan Tannehill. But now, suddenly, we all seem to be simultaneously realizing that Miami has been waiting for their next Marino for a very long time: 16 years, more than 20% of the average American’s lifespan (and nearly half the life of a dolphin). The Dolphins have seen the postseason only once in 13 years – and it will be 14 when this season mercifully comes to an en
The franchise that boasts the only team to go undefeated and win a Super Bowl hasn’t even broken .500 since 2008. That was one year after the Dolphins went 1-15 and used the No1 overall pick to select offensive tackle Jake Long, who now plays for the Falcons. With the first pick of the second round, Miami took defensive end Philip Merling, who is out of the NFL after recording 70 career tackles. Later in the second they drafted Henne, today a backup on one of Florida’s other lousy NFL teams. As with most losing franchises, the draft has been a major problem for the Dolphins. Look upon the 2013 draft class, if you dare. With four picks in the Top 100, Miami got Dion Jordan (suspended), Jamar Taylor (awful backup), Dallas Thomas (awful starter) and Will Davis (traded away for a late-round pick).
All of Miami’s draft failures lead us to former general manager Jeff Ireland. This is where the off-the-field dysfunction begins -- and what enables the Dolphins to stand apart from other franchises that simply manage to lose with dignity.
The disastrous 2008 and 2013 drafts were the first and last of Ireland’s tenure in Miami, but it was the lead up to the 2010 Draft that saw him really make a push for league-wide punchline status. For that was when Ireland, in a pre-draft interview with Oklahoma State’s Dez Bryant, asked the receiver if his mother was a prostitute.
Imagine the intelligence of a man who thinks it appropriate to ask a potential employee if his mother is a prostitute. Then imagine that man running a sports team valued at $1.8bn for five years. That’s how you get the 2015 Miami Dolphins.
Of course, bad drafts, bad signings ($60m for Mike Wallace!) and worse interview questions weren’t the only embarrassments of Ireland’s tenure. He hired Joe Philbin after dismissing Tony Sparano and together they oversaw the Richie Incognito-Jonathan Martin Dolphins of 2013. You may recall that Ireland, in his infinite wisdom, told Martin the best course of action was to punch Incognito. That’s just some good general managing right there! I mean, I suppose it was a better advice than to tell Martin to ask Incognito is his mother is a whore, right?
By last season, Incognito and Martin were gone, the team had “parted ways” with Ireland and the Dolphins went 8-8. But it was supposedly a promising 8-8! They were coming for the Patriots this year in the AFC East! And so they gave defensive lineman and kick boxing enthusiast Ndamukong Suh $100m.
But by week two, Suh was reportedly already ignoring coaches. By week four he was wearing sneakers to practice and befuddling British men.
At the same time, Tannehill was reportedly being dominated in practice by scout team players, yet decided to openly mock the salaries of the team-mates intercepting him at will. After Sunday’s humiliating defeat to the Jets in London, team owner Stephen Ross had enough and fired Philbin. In his place is interim head coach Dan Campbell, the team’s 39-year old tight ends coach and former NFL tight end for four teams.
In his introductory press conference, Campbell said all the normal stuff about starting fresh and changing the culture. But it’s interesting to note that as a college tight end at Texas A&M in the late 1990s, Campbell declared at a the TAMU’s annual bonfire that he was glad to attend a school where “men like women and women like men.” No one should be forever tied to something regrettable they did or said in college, but with a franchise still recovering from the Incognito-Martin fiasco, you have to wonder if Campbell is the right man for the job.
Actually, you have to assume he isn’t. And that things will only get worse from here for the Dolphins. Because the Dolphins are every bit as much a disaster as Cleveland, Oakland and Washington. Everything they touch turns to mold. It’s time we all realize the Dolphins are among the NFL’s worst of the worst. They’ve been trying to tell us that for years.
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