The former Miami Dolphins offensive lineman, Jonathan Martin who left the team in 2013 after a sustained campaign of bullying by team-mates, revealed on Wednesday that he thought of committing suicide on numerous occasions.
Martin, who was subjected to consistence racial insults and explicit sexual taunts about his family from Dolphins linemen Richie Incognito, Mike Pouncey and John Jerry, wrote a heartfelt and courageous Facebook post describing his unhappy time in the NFL and his struggles with depression. He wrote how “your job leads you attempt to kill yourself on multiple occasions.”
The post was written in the second person, and reflected on a life spent dealing with bullying and depression. He talked about decision his to walk away from the NFL and how “your experiences have taught you to leave your baggage behind.”
Martin wrote: “You were raised in a good household. You know that you are a flawed person. Have done stupid, regrettable things. But you know right from wrong. And consider integrity to be incredibly important. The worst of all, in your mind, is being called a liar.
“Your job leads you to attempt to kill yourself on multiple occasions. Your self-perceived social inadequacy dominates your every waking moment and thought. You are petrified of going to work. You either sleep 12, 14, 16 hours a day when you can, or not at all. You drink too much, smoke weed constantly, have trouble focusing on doing your job, playing the sport you grew up obsessed with.”
Martin, who is black, also reflected on his upbringing and his background. He attended a prestigious prep school in LA and Stanford University, and wrote: “You’re one of just a handful of minorities in elite private schools. You learn to tone down your blackness by becoming shy, introverted, friendly. Neither black people nor white people accept you. You’re always inadequate, always the ‘pussy’, the ‘weird kid who acts white.’”
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